E’ [ Real ] Peter Parker – Story -

E’ [ Real ] Peter Parker – Story -

Monday

Just went into the kitchen for some cereal at night & near the door on the wall there is a massive spider. This is big, thick long legs, black torso & bigger in size than a $10 coin [ If there was a $10 coin, that’s how big it would be ]  I Ran Away..

Tuesday

I was being terrorised by a massive eight-leg-freak. Might have been a Queen. I screamed like a girl & my sister saved me by just spraying some ladies perfume on it to kill it.

Wednesday

I was in bed on my laptop the other night, porning about with lights off when a big Fuck off beetle flew directly into my face! [ Initially, I thought it was a spider ]

You’ve never seen fear like it! It took at least 3 hits with my Charlotte’s Web-Story-Book to dispatch the little Fucker.

I couldn’t concentrate on my stroke after that either…

Thursday

Saw a spider, the size of a Fucking $9 coin [ This one was slightly smaller ] in my kitchen when I got in this evening. It was sat on the fridge handle.

I spent a good 5 minutes in a stand off situation a la Kung Fu Panda before I realised the freezer door was slightly open & the bastard had frozen to death..

Friday

I’ve just come out from having a cigarette, & I witnessed a horrible murder..!!

A big black house fly, literally got caught in a web & was buzzing frantically then this pussy little spider jumped on him [ About half the flies size ] & sort of just attacked it until the fly stopped buzzing, I was rooted to the spot for about 10 minutes watching this help & thought about human intervention but thought I’d better let nature take its course,

I Fucking hate these flies, I shit myself when they get into my house coz I always mistake them for wasps.

Aww.. I still feel bad about not helping it though..

Spiders are the good guys, they eat all the other bugs, & can’t fly..!!

Saturday

I meet a girl, called Marry Jane..

Sunday

After sexy time.. She confessed that she’s a widow

~ by jenstheory on September 3, 2008.