Things I used to be able to do when I was young, but can’t anymore.
Things I used to be able to do when I was young, but can’t anymore.
Randomly
Remember my friends phone numbers.
I used to be able to work out in my head the day of the week that any particular date fell on. Nowadays I have to look it up on the calendar on my phone
Break Dance [ Now, I would just Break Down ]
Put my leg behind my head or even sit on a lotus position
Skateboard & pop some moves on a BMX
[ I've tried the last two recently on my cousins Skateboard & Mongoose.. with humiliating consequences ]
Set fire to things.
Pee in the street without people looking at me funny
Get ready for a Saturday night out & really think I would pull something gorgeous
Spotly
Climb a tree with monkey like agility.
I could easily climb onto the Farra Park Stadiam roof [ To retrieve a football kicked up there & at times secretly smoke ] But ask me to climb up a building using just a drainpipe now & you can forget it.
I could run a 5km cross country easily when 16 – Now I’d faint after a km. -
Play Footy all day until it got dark & there weren’t enough people left to play with Go home, have a night out & do it all again the next day…
.
Wander where did I get all that energy from?
Drunkly
Function with a hangover….. Miracles
Shag for more than a 10minutes after copious amount of Booze
Pervertly
Finding jazz magazines in my old mans secret drawer. I miss that, but I still look.
Walk into the women’s changing rooms at the pool.
Look under your teachers skirt, from beneath a table
Look up 7 year old girls skirts. [ When I was 7 of course ]
Fancy the Fuck out of 16 & 17 year old birds & not feel a right Paedo for doing so.
Wankly
At the age of around 15/16, I could furiously masturbate whenever I wanted.
When spunking : Used to be able to get reams & strings & splurts of jizz at least 2 feet, & lots of it, porn-style. Now it just pathetically dribbles out.
Watch women’s tennis without instantly wanting a wank. Mind you, that may have something to do with the prevalence during my childhood of players like Navaratalova, Hingis et al. None of which were wank-worthy, unlike many of today’s crop.
Sarah-ly
Crap in my pants
Pee on my bed
Grope my mom’s boobs without feeling weird.
Walk around the house topless
Bathe with my brothers
Having a bath meant sloshing from one end to the other to create a tidal wave that crashed over the end of the bath.
Mum shouts up to ask why water is coming through the toilet floor while you’re
desperately mopping it up with a towel.
Now a bath is just a long soak to ease away the aches & pains – & get away from the wife boyfriend for an hour.
Leave a Reply