On one such morning glory, your bitch may wake up & totally feel like another girl. You can thank me later

Losing Stones

Was around a girls flat with her, her mate & my mate, had been watching movies for a good 3 or 4 hours. [ Oceans 13 & then to American Pie ]

At some part, I was going on about how cool Al Pachino was on Oceans 13, having said ‘ I don’t want the labor pain, I just want the babies’.

Her Mate : What’s an Al Pachino, Is it Indian?

Me : Jesus wept, & head off to the fridge & grabbed another beer. [ & did some explaining that Al Pachino was that bloke with the gel-backed slick hair do, red Ferrari, leather mobile phone case clipped onto his belt... & a floppy cock. ]

Got back to American Pie..

& due to limited seats, the bird I was with was sat on me whilst I was in the arm chair. Anyway after a hour or so, this conversation takes place.

Me : Can you get up a minute?

My mate : why?

Me : I’ve just got pins & needles in my leg, I wana get up & walk it off

Out of the blue, she gets up & storms out the room, her mate follows, mate comes back.

Her mate : Why did you do that?

Me : What?

Her mate: Call her fat?

Me : What the Fuck..!!

So I had to go over to her & do the right thing & say ‘you alright, sorry & that yada yada yada & got a load of abuse.

Christ, I should have known better & have just said I needed to go to the restroom to spare Tubby’s feelings,

ugh~ Insensitive wanker, I’ve been.

This is so Fucking unfair. Coz it seems it’s alright & ‘acceptable’ for a FATTY FAT Bastard to disparage a skinny person with petty jibes. Calling them anorexic bastards & hope that they choke on their own puke, blah blah blah & such. But when a skinny person/man makes a joke pertaining a woman’s weight, they DO NOT get away with it.

It’s never been easy to stomach such situations.

I can recall vividly.. when once.

Before work one morning. I got the whole ‘’Hunxx I’m putting on weight thingy’’. she

knows she’s lost weight & was fishing for a compliment.

Meh~ She didn’t get one.

Alas.. she tried again, later that evening whilst shopping.

[ My dear mates.. If you have been in any relationship long enough with a lass who’s got more credit cards than your baby brother’s collectable Pokemon cards, you so Fucking screwed. Just like her pussy, her visa is accepted everywhere. By now you ought to have learned, never hold on to your lasses hands when shopping. It's like her being tied down by shekels. Which would get her into menstrual mood. & she could make u work hard to pay for her giant underwear. Therefore be a man. Do the right thing. Allow yourself to be dragged around ladies store. Women, they all love a lier. So compliment on everything she takes looks beautiful on her. Just so you can fuck off to the comic store to get the latest series of Naruto which you have chosen over a Gospel on 100 ways to please your women. [ When in fact theres only one way to achieve that. & that is to earn more then she can spend ]

Regrettably I’ve learned things the hard way after shopping that day.

At Takkashimaya. Ironically, we were shopping at a store called, ‘Everyone is beautiful’.

She picked up this really mint looking skirt & asked for my opinion as she does heed JEnsThEory. Not to buy compliments from someone who earns from commissions, thus snubbing the sales personals opinion. But its price tag means I would not be able to go for drinks with my mates later that night. & I had to pay for that Fucking skirt coz the night before I made her use her younger sister’s CHIJ school uniform for Fuck.

Goddammit.. I’ve never been so perplex since the time when my ex-girlfriend fingered my bum during an intercourse.

Haizz.. This was what happened

Her: Does this make my bum look big?

Me: No, your fat arse makes your bum look big.

Her: Stony silence.

Me on sofa & wank-a-thon for the foreseeable future.

Past 1week.. [ Once, left my love stains on her panty which she was gona wear for work ]

Past 2weeks.. [ Twice, left my frus-wank-tration cum on her tissue box, which she uses for face wipes ]

Past 3weeks.. [ When through her secret stash while she was away at work, found her 2nd hand circumcised dildo & gave it away to my 19 year old virgin girlfriend as a birthday present ] Killing two pussies with one prick.

Into the 4th week.. & Feeling like my virginity is on the brink on growing back.. I had decided to end it all in a fashionable way.

& Wasn’t too long before a favorable chance presented it’s self.

One fateful day.. Past 2am..

She came back home from her ladies night. Awfully drunk & decided to come around & give my Milk Cup a good spit polish.

I took my chance.. I did unspeakable things to her that would even shock Jesus Christ himself.

I shot my baby gravy all over her tits. Called her fat & walked away.

Since then I’ve made up my mind to not to make such appalling mistakes again.

& I’ve give a lot of food for thought to do without such grave mistakes.

We men dread the question ‘ Am I Fat’ ?

Hence I’ve come up with wicked way ways of subtle shame.

• Stare at thin women

• Make the meals & give her tiny portions. Sour grapes must definitely be on her menu

• Abuse fat women that you see on TV

• Get her slimming pills but make sure you tell her that you got it at your company’s X’Mas luck draw.

• Fuck her into shape.

[ That way you get your oats & she gets exercise ]

• Buy her clothing a size too small. Subtle shame is a powerful ally

[ Fabricate & embellish a story where the plot is, how, once she was sleep walking into the kitchen, stealing & hiding food in her bra [ & share this embarrassing story with her mates at parties ]

If you are sick & tired by recycled old ideas [ God forbid you can also ruin it all by advocating JEnsThEory to her ]

On one such morning glory, your bitch may wake up & totally feel like another girl. You can thank me later ;p

~ by jenstheory on April 28, 2009.